Understanding Bullying

Bullying is any unwanted, intentional aggressive behavior that causes physical, emotional, educational, and/or psychological harm to others. Three indicators of bullying are that the behavior:

• Is unwanted and intentionally aggressive,
• Involves an imbalance of power between two people who are not friends or siblings, and
• Is repeated over time.

Importantly, we should not assume that all conflict is bullying. Friends may have disagreements or joke with each other without those interactions constituting bullying, and individual children may be competitive or assertive without bullying.

There is no universal factor that puts a child at risk of being bullied, bullying others, or witnessing bullying, but some common contributing factors do exist.

Youth who are bullied tend to be perceived as “different” from those who are doing the bullying. The perceived difference may be physical, such as dressing differently from their peers, or it may be interpersonal, like having fewer friends. Some bullying, called identity-based bullying, can be rooted in the bullying individual’s own biases – for example, bullying based on race, gender, sexual orientation, or religion.

When it comes to exhibiting bullying behavior, emotional factors (e.g., difficulty with self-regulation), peer factors (e.g., the desire to fit in), family factors (e.g., witnessing bullying at home), and school factors (e.g., feeling excluded) are common contributors. 

But it’s important to remember that each child is unique. The presence of one or more contributing factors does not determine whether a child will be bullied by others or exhibit bullying behavior.

Start the conversation about bullying with students’ families early. Customize a note you can send to families to share the Bullying and Mental Health Playbook for Parents & Caregivers and to introduce the bullying prevention program you have adopted.

Family Communication: Bullying and Mental Health Playbook for Parents/Caregivers [Family Communication]

Bullying and Mental Health Playbook for Parents/Caregivers [Toolkit]

Explore the other collections – Preventing Bullying, Responding to Bullying, Cyberbullying, and Mental Wellness – to continue building your knowledge and to access actionable resources and tools.

If you don’t already have a bullying prevention program in place, consider exploring one of the programs offered by the Choose Kindness Alliance members, all of whom are among the nation’s leading bullying prevention, intentional inclusion and youth mental wellness organizations:

• Anti Defamation League’s Educational Programs, including No Place for Hate and A World of Difference
• Act to Change
• Facing History & Ourselves
• Get in the Game Club
• GLAAD’s Youth Engagement Program
• GLSEN’s Youth Programs
• Human Rights Campaign’s Welcoming Schools Program
• The JED Foundation School Programs
• Kevin Love Fund
• The Learn Kind Curriculum by kindness.org 
• Lions Club International Foundation’s Lions Quest
• Making Caring Common’s Caring Schools Network
• NAACP’s Youth Programs
• NAMI’s Ending the Silence Program
• National School Climate Center’s Communities of Courage
• Special Olympics Unified Champion Schools®
• Positive Coaching Alliance Programming for Athletic Departments